English posts · Gedanken über mich und die Welt / just thinking...

Who am I?

Someone who has been wondering all her life what she’s here for and still can’t tell.

Someone who’s so scared of missing her life that she might miss it by being scared of missing it.

Someone who has sacrificed way too much for people who didn’t care. And way too little for those precious ones who did.

Someone who loves to dance in the rain on her balcony (or wherever else with the possibility to get changed afterwards).

Someone who longs to make this world a better place, but doesn’t know how.

Someone who’s her worst enemy and a true master of self-sabotage, and still can’t help it.

Someone who loves butterflies, cupcakes, rainbows and all these girly things.

Someone who’s still waiting for a damn prince on a white horse to sweep her off her feet.

Someone who loves everything pink and roses, blue. Colourful. Everything alternative, different.

Someone who’s been fighting her sensitivity all her life, but at the same time thinks that the world is in dire need of more sensitivity.

Someone who, to quote Jodie Foster, has a great fear of being alone, yet at the same time a desperate need for solitude and the solitary experience. That’s always been a tug of war for me, too.

Someone who wishes she wouldn’t make a difference between races or genders, but still does.

Someone who’d love to see and accept each and every one of us for what they truly are, outside of some box.

Someone who’s full of contradictions and always torn between the two sides to every story and many more. 

Someone who owns two pieces of paper saying that she’s Swiss and German, but who still doesn’t know where she belongs.

Someone who has been searching for a home forever. Always on the outside, while it can probably only be found on the inside and has been there all along.

Someone who has been blessed with the most amazing friends all over the world and can never be grateful enough for that.

Someone who has been raised a people pleaser and is so damn tired of it.

Someone who owns the first Harry Potter book in German, English, French, Italian, Spanish, Finnish and Russian.

Someone who can’t hurt a fly, but just can’t avoid hurting people. We always seem to do it, some way or the other.

A women who’s tired of trying to function like a man in order to fit into our work culture and society.

Someone who would like to help every single beggar on the street, but can’t and doesn’t know what best to do, how to behave towards them, but who’s decided to just ask them what they’d like her to do.

Someone who wants to be accepted, seen, approved of, cherished, loved.

Someone who simply can’t answer questions like „how are you?“ or „who are you?“ in a single word or sentence and has come to realize that she hardly knows anything at all.

Someone who loves Finland and everything Finnish, whose heart leaps whenever she hears someone speak Finnish or with a Finnish accent, but who still hasn’t dared to move there, to try at least.

Someone who was mobbed at school and hadn’t been aware of how much this had shamed her and still does.

Someone who loved to sing and dance, to paint and play as a child, but at some point stopped, not feeling good enough at it anymore and no longer entitled to do so.

Someone who doesn’t wear make-up because it feels like a mask.

Someone who sucks at sports. Always has and probably always will.

Someone who has always aimed at perfection while loving her friends exactly for their quirks.

Someone who’s terrified to show herself for who she really is. To put herself out there and let her light shine for the ones who can see it – still caring too much what the others might think.

Someone who comforts herself with sweets when actually she’s in need of a hug.

Someone who’s been traveling the world looking for answers she can only find within.

Someone who loves to read and is always reading several books at the same time.

Someone who’s still trying to understand and never will.

Someone who wished there was someone who cared to know all this, to truly know her.

And someone who still doesn’t know herself who she truly is. Since this is just some description, a list of selected facts…

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